Planning for a baby

It’s helpful for expectant parents (whether in a relationship or not) to start discussing their hopes, dreams and expectations about what parenthood could be, as soon as possible, so that any issues or extra support can be planned for in advance of baby’s arrival.

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Topics of discussion for prospective parents

• Roles and responsibilities before and after baby arrives
• Parenting styles  
• What leisure time might look like
• Social changes
• Finances
• Problem solving and coping strategies.
• Communication styles  
• Intimacy  
• Extended family involvement  
• Work plans

This is a good time for those considering the parenthood journey to start building a support team – a network of trusted, reliable people and groups who can help with practical and emotional support.

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Emotions and experiences that may arise when planning for a baby

Mixed feelings are normal during the preparation for parenthood. Many positive feelings are experienced as well as some of the challenges listed below:

• Fears about eating certain foods
• Anxiety about how long it will take to conceive
• Money and career-related worries
• Concerns about physical changes and sickness
• Worry about being a “good enough” or capable parent
• Concerns about sleep deprivation
• Fears around labour and childbirth
• Concerns about whether a partner is ready
• Concerns about how much support is available
• Excitement and anticipation

Some unexpected triggers may also emerge during this time. For instance, people may struggle if other friends or family members get pregnant before them. For some people, the worry or stress may start to take up more space or pre-occupy their thoughts. People who notice this more may include:

• Those who have pre-existing mental health issues
• Those who have a history of significant trauma or loss
• Those who have high expectations and standards for themselves
• Those who have a strong need for control in their lives

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Tips to improve wellbeing

• Get outside in fresh air and sunshine
• Exercise – walking or stretching is enough for some, while others need more vigorous activities. Check with a GP or midwife before starting any new exercise routine
• Regular sleep and wake up times
• Find a GP with an interest and experience in caring for parents during the perinatal period
• Social connection
• Practise self-compassion
• Enjoy time with a partner aside from baby planning and preparation
• Find supportive people to share thoughts and feelings with
• Manage exposure to unhelpful social media and other forums that may increase anxiety
• Healthy eating
• Planning the departure from work
• Enhance flexibility in routines

During this transition, look out for periods of anxiety or low mood that last longer than two weeks, become overwhelming or start to interrupt daily life and usual activities. If periods of low mood or anxiety continue and the feelings don’t ease, speak with a GP or another trusted health professional.  

Relationship tensions or conflicts sometimes emerge during this time too as partners start to explore their views and experience of family, so it is worth seeking couples counselling if these tensions do not ease.

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Emotional wellbeing during pregnancy

Transitioning to parenthood, either for the first or subsequent time, is a period of significant change, and trepidation, anticipation and uncertainty are all normal emotions. Almost 50% of pregnancies are unplanned, which can trigger a sense of joy or anxiety followed by many contrasting thoughts and emotions.

Many changes in hormone levels occur which can also feel overwhelming. Changes to sleep patterns and overall tiredness may affect parents’ moods and their ability to cope with everyday life, which can be surprising to them or their partner. The physical symptoms of pregnancy can also affect a person’s sense of wellbeing.

Knowing what to expect and being self-compassionate can ease the impact of the changes

If a pregnancy is unplanned, there may be extra stress. Unplanned pregnancies can create financial uncertainty, job insecurity, relationship tension or questions about the future. People experiencing unplanned pregnancy benefit from supportive people around them who are willing to listen to their worries and concerns, without providing judgement or unwelcome advice.

The prenatal (pregnancy) period can be a good time to tune into the baby and start the process of getting to know them. It’s also a good time to explore options for labour/birth, and antenatal care.

Parents may find themselves anxious or stressed around the time of prenatal medical testing, screening, and scans. Some worry is normal and inevitable. If expectant parents find themselves experiencing a sudden increase in anxiety or depressive type feelings that significantly affect their sleep or daily routine for two weeks or more, it is worth discussing with a health professional.

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Other helpful resources

• Tommy’s ‍
• Better Health Channel