Innocent questions like, “How many children do you have?” and “Boys or girls?” are ones we pause before answering.  

Which is what struck me when our then 8-year-old son Billy brought home his “Getting To Know You” bio at the start of Year 3. He answered rugby to what’s your favourite thing to do, and he answered 5 to how many people are in your family. And I love him so much for that answer.  

We lost our little girl Summer unexpectedly. At the 38 weeks check-up and scan, all was fine, yet somehow over the next few days, she silently slipped away.  

Summer was due to be born on 17 April 2018, the day before Billy’s third birthday. In his world, he was getting a baby for his birthday and was to become a big brother; which might be why his connection with Summer started so strong and has stayed as such.  He was as excited and invested as we were, and felt her loss just as much as we did.  

The hospital grief counsellor helped us hugely with how to break our news to Billy, and our Gidget Foundation clinician helped us continue to best navigate stillbirth for a sibling and child.  

Billy had a lot of questions….Why didn’t the baby come on my birthday? What did my friend look like?  Did she look like me when she was sleeping? How did she get to heaven? Can we go up to heaven to see her?... and our Gidget Foundation clinician helped us best answer them.

Two months later, as I was tucking Billy in one night, he said to me, “I think about Baby Summer all the time”. To which I told him, “Me too buddy”.  

Towards the end of the year, Billy asked if we could ask God for another baby, and I said that we would. We waited until 20 weeks to share our news, and the day we told him I was pregnant he was so excited. His face lit up and he literally shouted, “We’re going to have another baby? Dad, we’re having another baby!”.  He then proudly announced he was going to be a big brother “two times”. 

The next morning Billy came into our bed and asked me if he could say good morning to the baby. When I said yes, he looked at my tummy and gave it a rub and then looked to the ceiling and excitedly said, “Baby Summer - we’re having a baby!”. 

I continued to visit Gidget House each month during my pregnancy with our now almost 6-year-old, Beau, and received amazing support and advice. My Gidget Foundation clinician, helped me decide on a birth plan, acknowledged any stress or anxiety around milestones, and provided beautiful suggestions for remembering and incorporating Summer into our family. For this, we are forever grateful.

Although stillbirth was hard and confusing for a 3-year-old, their childhood honesty enabled it to become a very special part of our family. The "Getting to Know You" bio sits on my desk, and I remain so proud of my son’s honesty. Although the simplest answer, when asked, is to say we have two children—two boys—the reality is that we have been blessed with three: two boys and a girl… a beautiful little girl who is everywhere and nowhere. Her name is spoken aloud every day in our house, and her two brothers blow her kisses every night and send her up bubbles each year on her birthday.

We acknowledge the crucial support provided to us by Gidget Foundation Australia. We will always be grateful for their guidance in helping us make space for the loss from stillbirth, which is now a deeply special part of our family of five.