Intimacy

Maintaining connection with your partner after a baby

When we speak of intimacy the first thing that comes to mind for many people is sexual intimacy. In fact, when doing an online search on intimacy after baby, sexual intercourse comes up in every result.

Sexual intimacy is only one way of intimately connecting after having a baby, and there are many other ways partners can support an intimate connection during this period of significant change.

It’s time to get creative when you can. No rush as it’s a big adjustment amidst the sleep deprivation, post birth body issues and many other factors that influence intimacy and getting connected again.

It’s important to acknowledge that intimacy and sexual intimacy can, and often do change post baby, for many reasons. Birth related injury, emotional changes and mood variations can all contribute to a change in desire, and this can leave new parents feeling somewhat disconnected.

Here’s a list of ways partners can nurture, connect, and shelter each other after a baby is born:

Nurture emotional intimacy. Carve out time to share thoughts and feelings with one another, in a safe way that allows space for vulnerability and growth of trust. Post baby this will look different for both parties, so try to be open to each other’s different experiences at this time of adjustment.

Be open with each other about all the changes you’re experiencing; physically, emotionally and mentally.

Maintain a sense of humour, as this can help alleviate the stress inherent in this period of major life adjustment.

Talk about sex and be open about how you’re feeling about it. Consider that becoming a parent can change the kind of sex you have and how often you have it – keep this in mind and come up with some mutually agreeable ways of staying sexually connected.

Meaningful eye contact, hugs and touch are all important ways of maintaining a sense of connection. Parents can get caught up in the busyness of the adjustment to parenthood and forget the importance of these simple yet powerful ways to connect.

Consider acts of service. Do the things that make your partner feel nurtured such as making a cup of tea, running a bath or doing the washing-up. Regardless of what you do, acts of service are a way of saying “I see you, I appreciate you, and we’re in this together”.

Often physical and emotional intimacy go hand in hand, and both physical and emotional intimacy with your partner can have the effect of increasing sexual intimacy. Staying connected at this time requires safe communication and a mutual willingness to be creative. If you both feel you need more support, speaking with your family GP is a good place to start.