Strategies for managing advice

It is common for a baby's arrival to trigger an influx of advice from family, peers and even strangers on everything from sleep to feeding routines. Some of this advice may be welcome, and helpful. At other times, it may feel overwhelming or create confusion.

Most advice comes from people who want to feel useful or supportive, however, unsolicited advice, information overload, and inaccurate information can undermine the confidence of new parents as they try to figure out the best way to care for their child.

Sometimes expectant and new parents may receive conflicting advice from different health professionals, and this can also be very confusing.

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Strategies to manage unhelpful or unsolicited parenting advice

Deflect it with humour
Just say "thanks," or add a comment like: “there really is so much to consider”
Give an acknowledging nod, then disengage from the conversation
Divert attention from advice by asking people to help
Ask a friend or partner to be an advocate if needed

Sometimes firmer communication might be needed. It can help to come up with a couple of sentences and practise saying them. One example could be:

“Thank you for trying to help. I really appreciate that you care about me and the baby. We are going to take our time with trying a few different things and we’ll work it out.”

Or more directly:

“I’ve noticed I get stressed when I get different advice from various people. Thanks for offering but we’re figuring it out and I’ll let you know if I need help.”

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Things for new parents to keep in mind:

Most new parents struggle with this issue at some point
Parents’ intuition plays a part in decision-making
New parents find what works for them eventually
It is OK to try different things and have a flexible attitude

Parents will work out over time what is best for them and their baby, and whose advice fits with their view on parenting. In the meantime, parents should show compassion towards themselves.

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