The challenges new parents face in balancing work and parenthood are significant. The impossible expectations of ‘doing it all’ can make many parents feel overwhelming guilt and anxiety that they are not doing enough for all parties concerned: their children, their partners, and the workforce.
Understanding postpartum anxiety as a new parent
Anxiety is a future-driven state. Many new parents find themselves thinking, “Am I doing it right?". Common anxieties new parents experience includes worrying that they are not there for their child, or feeling inadequate at work, eliciting guilt on both fronts.
Being a working parent is a constant juggling act! Ideally, parents are supported to be able to separate the two roles. Being expected to work from home with young children (an increase since COVID) is difficult as children have needs that must be met, therefore, work takes second place.
Multi-tasking for extended periods of time is unsustainable in humans. The human brain is not a computer and cannot do numerous tasks simultaneously with 100% efficacy; “Jack of all trades = master of none”. Therefore, it is essential to separate tasks. Work for a period, then stop and spend time with the child or children.
If feelings of incompetence and inadequacy are not addressed, stress vulnerability is exacerbated, leading to distressing and overwhelming anxiety. If this becomes too severe, it may require medication and counselling with a mental health professional. Perinatal mental health specialists understand the juggle and the challenging stressors new and expectant parents face. You are not alone.
We also understand that postpartum anxiety is exacerbated by sleep deprivation, and this is unavoidable in the first year. Adding rest, even a little, wherever possible, can be helpful.
Art of time management
Effective time management is critical. For instance, trying to rest when the baby sleeps will reduce the risk of becoming overwhelmed and catastrophising when you feel there are a hundred tasks to initiate. An example of good time management could be: if the baby wakes at 5am, has a feed, and then is happy in their bouncer for a short period, prepare dinner for that evening whilst feeling you’re energised. This means you will have a nutritious meal to look forward to at the end of the day and lessens feelings of overwhelm in the evening. Successful time management involves prioritising time and action. If both parents work, sharing the load is essential. Mum feeds the baby, Dad makes breakfast for the older children. Dad watches the baby, while Mum has a shower, then swaps. Dad takes the older children to school, Mum takes the baby to the grandparents or daycare, then both parents go to work.
"Anxiety is a future-driven state. Many new parents find themselves thinking, “Am I doing it right?". "
Building a support network
It is of the utmost importance to build a strong support network. Ideally, lean on grandparents or other family members. This also allows them to develop a close relationship with the child. If there is no family support, connecting with community support groups, such as new parents’ groups is ideal. These groups are helpful for connection and recognising that other new parents are usually in the same situation. When you see your challenges are not unique, feelings of isolation or anxiety may reduce.
Child and family health nurses are also an excellent resource for reassurance and advice for new parents. Other supports may include lactation consultants, your local GP or a Gidget Foundation Australia Clinician.
Self-care for parents
Self-care is important for new parents to effectively look after themselves and their family. You may have heard the analogy of the flight safety demonstration “Secure your oxygen masks first before helping children or others around you”. This message powerfully reminds us we have to breathe for ourselves first before we can help our children.
Self-care can include simple things, like walking. In addition to physical benefits, walking can elevate your mood and maintain your mental health. Regular walking is shown to increase endorphins (feel-good hormones) and dopamine in the brain.
If you struggle with sleep or find it difficult to switch off at night, full of thoughts from the day, consider listening to a self-care app (such as Insight Timer or Calm) that redirects your thoughts from rumination toward a relaxing body scan, or mindful meditation. Focusing on the voice you hear and paying gentle attention to your body is a form of mindfulness and will reduce stress and anxiety.
Engaging in simple, consistent self-care has short- and long-term benefits. After a walk, your blood moves more efficiently around the body, providing more oxygen to the cells and the brain, which in turn helps you think more clearly. Mindfulness enables the ability to focus and de-stress more effectively when practiced regularly. So, while we can feel guilty for doing these self-care exercises when you have the family and work to juggle, these are our ‘oxygen masks’.
"The impossible expectations of ‘doing it all’ can make many parents feel overwhelming guilt and anxiety"
Flexible work arrangements
Flexible work arrangements might include ensuring appropriate facilities for a breastfeeding mum to pump during the day. Arrangements may also include flexible or reduced working hours, working from home or approval to collect your child from school or daycare. Most employers value employees’ knowledge and experience and should provide a family-friendly environment by ensuring work flexibility.
Navigating childcare options
Childcare options may include family support, family daycare, childcare and employed nannies or au pairs who may reside in your home. The most important consideration is whether you are comfortable with the person caring for your child. Childcare can be expensive, but not being employed can also bring financial stress. There is much to weigh up in considering the unpaid work of a stay-at-home parent, versus the balance of paid work with an employer, and managing childcare as a result. Consideration and adjustment from both parents, when possible, will minimise stress at home. Returning to work can reduce financial stress and more importantly, contribute to feelings of self-worth, particularly if you enjoy your work. It can also bring pleasure to look forward to seeing your little one and connect with family at the end of a busy day.
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