Achieving balance: Setting goals as a new parent

The enjoyment of setting goals stems from a complex interplay of brain systems wired to seek out and pursue rewards. Our brain rewards us with pleasurable feelings when we anticipate getting something we desire. It also makes us feel good when we progress toward a goal, fuelling our motivation and making even the journey enjoyable (Berkman, 2018). Research shows that well-being improves when we commit to intrinsic, value-led goals centred around personal growth, relationships and community contribution (Bramwell & Richardson, 2018).

The research also warns us that feelings of failure, burnout and low self-esteem are suffered in pursuit of unrealistic and unachievable goals. We also know that certain types of goals, and what can sometimes seem like positive pursuits, can compromise our well-being (Latham & Locke, 2013). So how can new parents set meaningful, achievable goals amidst the chaos of early parenthood? This article will delve into the psychological benefits of goal setting, discuss the importance of value-led goals, help you avoid common problems and pitfalls associated with goal setting and offer strategies for creating achievable goals as a new parent.

_{"Setting goals as a new parent isn’t about perfection—it’s about creating a framework to navigate this life-changing journey with intention and self-compassion."}

The power of purposeful goals

Goal setting is about creating a successful action plan towards a desired outcome. Goal setting provides a bridge between dreams and reality. When we set goals, we increase our motivation to behave in ways that are important to us and can improve self-esteem and self-confidence (Ryan & Deci, 2017). Whether you are planning a family camping adventure or saving for a new family car, well-defined goals provide the framework needed to succeed.

Research emphasises that goals aligned with our values - like personal growth, meaningful relationships and contributing to something larger - lead to greater fulfilment, less emotional distress, better physical health and an enhanced sense of purpose. These positive outcomes are because values-led goals more often meet our basic psychological needs like feeling connected and valued. Even partially achieving these intrinsic goals benefits well-being because the journey still provides opportunities for growth and connection (Ryan & Deci, 2017).

_{"Adapt goals as needed without guilt - babies are unpredictable!"}

Making goals work as a new parent

The excitement of a new year can sometimes lead to ambitious resolutions. However, with the advent of a new baby, your vision board might need to look a bit different! It’s essential to set realistic and flexible goals. Here's how to set yourself up for success:

• Start small: Break large goals into smaller, actionable steps. For instance, rather than signing up for a trail running event on the weekend, start with a commitment to a 20-minute walk each day.
• Be specific: Vague goals are harder to achieve. Instead of "spending more time with my baby," set a goal like "dedicate 15 minutes every day to playtime without distractions."
• Stay flexible: Adapt goals as needed without guilt - babies are unpredictable!

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Aligning goals with values

Values are deeply held beliefs or principles, and they reflect what you consider to be important or meaningful in life. As a new parent juggling endless tasks, value-led goals help focus your limited energy on what truly matters.

For example:

• If family connection is a core value, your goal could be sharing one family meal daily.
• If health is important, focus on small, sustainable habits like drinking more water or eating more fruit and vegetables at each meal.
• If personal growth resonates with you, dedicate time to learning or reflection

Values-based goals are more motivating and fulfilling because they reflect what you genuinely care about, not external pressures.

_{"...value-led goals help focus your limited energy on what truly matters."}

Common pitfalls to avoid

Research highlights several goal-setting traps that can impact wellbeing (Latham & Locke, 2013):

• Unrealistic goals: Setting impossible targets leads to diminished motivation, frustration and decreased confidence. When we tie our self-worth to achieving these unrealistic goals, the impact on our well-being can be particularly harsh.
• Extrinsic vs intrinsic goals: Goals focused on external rewards like wealth, status, or appearance often lead to inner conflict and reduced satisfaction. Research shows that intrinsic goals, like reading one book per day to baby for quality time together, create more lasting fulfilment than pursuing material gains (Ryan & Deci, 2017).‍
• Negative framing: Frame your goals positively to boost motivation. Instead of "stop checking my phone during baby time," try "spend 15 minutes of quality playtime with my baby each day."‍
• Inflexible goals: Setting rigid goals under high pressure can trigger stress and burnout. Build flexibility into your goals to accommodate the unpredictable nature of parenting.

_{"...give yourself grace as you navigate this exciting yet demanding chapter of life."}

Strategies for making and achieving goals

Use SMART Goals: Ensure your goals are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound. For example, "Put blackout curtains up and set bedtime mode on my phone within the next week” is more actionable than, "Get better sleep."

1. Write them down: Research shows that writing down goals increases commitment. Keep your list visible to remind yourself of your priorities.
2. Celebrate progress: Acknowledge even the smallest milestones, such as successfully sticking to a bath time routine for a few days.
3. Seek support: Share your goals with your partner, family, or friends. They can offer encouragement and help you stay accountable.
4. Practice self-compassion: Understand that setbacks are part of the process. Rather than criticising yourself, reflect on what you can adjust and move forward.
5. Visualise success: Picture yourself achieving your goal and the positive impact it will have.

_{"Life as a new parent is ever-changing. Goals that seemed manageable a month ago may become impractical"}

Reviewing and adjusting goals regularly

Life as a new parent is ever-changing. Goals that seemed manageable a month ago may become impractical due to new challenges or developments with your baby. Schedule regular check-ins to review your goals and adjust them as needed. This ensures they remain realistic and aligned with your priorities. Ask yourself:

• Are my goals still relevant to my current situation?
• What progress have I made, and what have I learned?
• Do I need to adjust timelines or expectations?

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Conclusion

A balanced approach to the new year‍

‍Setting goals as a new parent isn’t about perfection—it’s about creating a framework to navigate this life-changing journey with intention and self-compassion. By focusing on small, achievable, and values-driven goals, you can build a sense of accomplishment and purpose amidst the challenges of early parenthood. 

Remember, the path to achieving your goals isn’t linear. Celebrate every win, no matter how small, and give yourself grace as you navigate this exciting yet demanding chapter of life.