Some miscarriages occur without women even knowing the pregnancy existed, while others occur well after a pregnancy test has confirmed they are expecting. There is often nothing that can be done to prevent a miscarriage, and most women go on to have other healthy pregnancies. However, for many parents there is a strong desire to understand the cause, and they can feel sad, frustrated, and depleted by unsuccessful attempts to find answers.
Miscarriage can have a significant impact both psychologically and physically which is not always recognised or understood by family, friends, colleagues, or the broader community. It can also be a lonely and isolating time for women who may not have yet shared the news with loved ones.
The grief and loss experienced following a miscarriage differs from one person to the next. Some will mourn the absence of a memorial service or mementos of their loss, while others will struggle with a lack of medical explanation, or feelings they are somehow at fault. Others may find those who do know fail to understand the importance of a loss through miscarriage. Finding the right support is important in the grieving process.
Sometimes medical intervention is required after a miscarriage, and this can be an added stressor. Recurrent miscarriages may also require further investigation and diagnostic testing, and may result in complex, cumulative grief.
If the miscarriage is experienced as traumatic, symptoms of post-traumatic stress, anxiety and depression can continue to develop for several months afterwards so it's important that women reach out for support.
Emotions and experiences after miscarriage
- Shock, feeling empty, irritable, guilty, angry or withdrawn
- Fatigue, sleep disturbance, sadness, anxiety, overwhelm, hopelessness
- Significant emotional changes due to plunges in oestrogen and progesterone
- Mixed emotions including jealousy towards others who are pregnant
- Worries and fears about future pregnancies
- Physical concerns such as headaches, cramping and losing trust in their body
- Difficulty making sense of what happened
- Indecision about how the loss should be commemorated and honoured
- Concern about the effect of the loss on other children in the family
- Frustration if there is a delay before attempting to conceive again
- Uncertainty around time frames for physical and emotional readiness to try again
Other considerations after miscarriages
Partners and support people can also be deeply affected by miscarriage. As well as their own grief and loss, they may have witnessed a loved one go through pain, trauma and medical treatment which can be upsetting. They may feel helpless and unable to make sense of what happened.
It is important for couples to try and be open with each other, to continue to allow each other to process their experience of the loss and support each other as best they can. Sometimes it is hard for two people to fully understand what the other went through. Seeking professional help can offer much needed support. If multiple miscarriages occur, the grief experience may be more intense, and parents may need more extensive support.
Seeking help from a professional who is experienced with grief and loss can be helpful during the adjustment period and in future.
Ectopic pregnancy
Separate to miscarriages, about one in 80 pregnancies are ectopic. An ectopic pregnancy can be a serious, life-threatening event and needs prompt medical attention. An ectopic pregnancy occurs when a fertilised egg develops outside the uterus and starts to grow, most commonly in a fallopian tube. An ectopic pregnancy can impact the fallopian tube, and this may affect a parent's future options about fertility and conception.
Ectopic pregnancy most commonly occurs between weeks 5-14 of the pregnancy. Whilst it is a medical emergency and treated as such, it can also be experienced as a pregnancy loss replicating miscarriage.
Ideas that can help women after a miscarriage
- There is no easy path to grief, so allow time and space to grieve
- Choose healthy food, and take rest and gentle exercise
- Talk to a partner and other support people about the experience
- Write a journal
- Create a ritual to help remember the lost pregnancy
- It’s ok to feel sad
- Sleep can be hard, so talk to a GP about how to manage sleep
- Be mindful of alcohol or other substance use
- Talk to a workplace Manager about some time off if that would be helpful
- Find support groups so to connect with others who have been through a similar experience
Women or partners who are experiencing concerning symptoms or are worried about their pregnancy at any time should reach out to their treating health professional or go to the closest emergency department.
Other helpful resources
The Pink Elephants Support Network
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